Let Them Know or Let It Go?
April 3rd, 2008
(By John MacArthur)
How do we know when to confront and when to quietly forgive and forget?
That’s a good question because most people seem to err on one side or the other. Some people think it is best to overlook every offense and take pride in their tolerance. However, Paul confronted the Corinthians for tolerating sin in the church and rebuked them for failing to deal with a man living in sin (1 Cor. 5).
On the other side of the issue are people who confront over any slight infraction and make themselves intolerable.
Are there any biblical principles to help us make the right choice? Yes! Here are six guidelines to help you know whether to quietly forgive or to lovingly confront.
1. Whenever possible, especially if the offense is petty or unintentional, it is best to forgive unilaterally. This is the very essence of a gracious spirit. It is the Christlike attitude called for in Ephesians 4:1-3. We are called to maintain a gracious tolerance (”forbearance”) of others’ faults. Believers should have a sort of mutual immunity to petty offenses. Love “is not easily angered” (1 Cor. 13:5). If every fault required formal confrontation, the whole of our church life would be spent confronting and resolving conflicts over petty annoyances. So for the sake of peace, to preserve the unity of the Spirit, we are to show tolerance whenever possible (see 1 Pet. 2:21-25; Mat. 5:39-40).
2. If you are the only injured party, even if the offense was public and flagrant, you may choose to forgive unilaterally. Examples of this abound in Scripture. Joseph (Genesis 37-50), David (2 Sam. 16:5-8), and Stephen (Acts 7:60) each demonstrated the unilateral forgiveness of Christ (Luke 23:34).
3. If you observe a serious offense that is a sin against someone other than you, confront the offender. Justice never permits a Christian to cover a sin against someone else. While we are entitled, and even encouraged, to overlook wrongs committed against us, Scripture everywhere forbids us to overlook wrongs committed against another (see Ex. 23:6; Deut. 16:20; Isa. 1:17; Isa. 59:15-16; Jer. 22:3; Lam. 3:35-36).
4. When ignoring an offense might hurt the offender, confront the guilty party. Sometimes choosing to overlook an offense might actually injure the offender (by allowing him to continue unwarned down a wrong path). In such cases it is our duty to confront in love (Gal. 6:1-2).
5. When a sin is scandalous or otherwise potentially damaging to the body of Christ, the guilty party should be confronted. Some sins have the potential to defile many people, and Scripture gives ample warning of such dangers (see Heb. 12:15; 3:13; 1 Cor. 5:1-5). In fact, Scripture calls for the church to discipline individuals who refuse to repent of open sin in the body, so that the purity of the body might be preserved (Matt. 18:15-20; 1 Cor. 5).
6. Lastly, any time an offense results in a broken relationship, confrontation of the sinner should occur. Any offense that causes a breach in relationships simply cannot be overlooked. Both the offense and the breach must be confronted, and reconciliation must be sought. And both the offended party and the offender have a responsibility to seek reconciliation (Luke 17:3; Matt. 5:23-24). There is never any excuse for a Christian on either side of a broken relationship to refuse to pursue reconciliation.
The only instance where such a conflict should remain unresolved is if all the steps of discipline in Matthew 18 have been exhausted and the guilty party still refuses to repent.
My own recent experience has been a vry difficult one. My Church and it’s leadership including the singular Elder/Missionary Pastor and ourselves have had a disagreement regarding the purity of the witness of the Church regading involvement with Ecumnical Social Works being supported with the LORD’s Treasury.
Whilst this certainly was not a flagrant and open sin on the part of the Leadership or Church, it certainly has and will lead to compromise of the Church position on Ecumenisism and and the Doctrines of Salvation by Grace through Faith alone.
Albeit the Church is not classed as reformed in doctrine it does hold to the doctrines of grace in teaching and on paper, yet in practice it is open to Ecumnicism, which as we know in the core of it’s beliefes is a Works based salvation friend of Rome and takes immense liberties in twisting Biblical truth essential to a true understanding of Salvation.
Granted that individuals are free to support whom they wish and to work where they believe the LORD leads them as individuals in accord with Romans 14, I am convited by Scripture that there is ample Biblical commands to remain seperated from false teachers and groups who welcome such false teachings.
Yet the difficulty has been that as an Individual believer supported by the Spirit and the Scripture I had come across harshly in my analysis (I exhibit Peter syndrome as John notes “The Apostle with the foot shaped mouth”). But the question is: How should I confront a Church and it’s leadership when they are not in direct open sin, but in Accordance with the Romans 14 principle reject me as the weaker brother, for honoring the LORD by conviction of the Scriptures, Spirit and Church History; in NOT taking membership with them as they seek to be one with false teachers?
I am not sure that there is an direct answer apart from seeting ourselves apart, which we have done, but yet now the practicalities of finding a likeminded Grace confessing and defending Church has been very difficult. Due to a number of physical reasons, which I shall refrain from discussing here.
Difficult decisions in difficult times…
I continue to pray for the Church where we once Fellowshipped and seek reconciliation in the truth. But i this day of apostacy it is hard to draw the lines in even the essential doctrines.
Any thoughts on a Church and it’s leadership abndoning the Doctrines of Scripture when they are not able to discern the errors they are involving themselevs and the LORD’s treasury in?
By grace alone through Faith alone,
I feel badly that there have been no responses to William’s post. Maybe it’s a time zone thing. It amuses me that when there’s an opportunity to spew Scripture or dispute doctrine or promote one’s intellect, there are so many responses here, but no comfort today for a Brother in turmoil.
I am not qualified to respond, William, but I know the One who is, so I will pray for your situation.
Error abounds in so many churches, at so many levels.
William,
You asked, “How should I confront a Church and it’s leadership when they are not in direct open sin, but in Accordance with the Romans 14 principle reject me as the weaker brother, for honoring the LORD by conviction of the Scriptures, Spirit and Church History; in NOT taking membership with them as they seek to be one with false teachers?”
They are in direct open sin. To support false teaching is sin. The question is, does the church leadership know that it is false teaching? If they do, then to knowingly support false teaching is clearly unscriptural and you should try to show them what the Bible says about supporting false teaching. If they do not, then you should try to show them why it is false teaching.
I do not know your situation, and you may have already taken these steps, but make sure that they know that you care about them and the direction they go. If you show them the error of their ways and they still refuse to follow scripture, then you must discern whether you can continue to be under their leadership or not.
Thank you so much for these timely principles! Our community group has been studying the parables of Jesus and we just finished discussing Matthew 18:23-35 (about the unforgiving servant) and we had a great discussion about forgiveness, especially as it relates to repentance.
I have seen some argue that all forgiveness must be conditional upon repentance, whereas others say forgiveness must always be unilateral. Your points are balanced and express, I believe, the biblical view that sometimes repentance must be pursued and other times we have the obligation (and privilege) to just let it go.
Thanks again!
Toby,
I have used John MacArthur’s book “The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness” for teaching on this subject in my church. The principles laid out in this article are covered in detail there.
The question of the necessity of repentance prior to forgiveness always comes up, and by those usually demanding it before they will forgive. My response comes from our Savior. In order to forgive us He did everything necessary to make my forgiveness possible, include giving His live on the cross to cover the penalty for my sin. His Spirit of forgiveness is show in what He did to make it possible. However, as the sinner I did not experience or receive that forgiveness until I repented, recognizing my sin and acknowledging my need of that forgiveness.
I believe that our actions should be the same. We can unilaterally forgive at anytime. We can confront another’s sin. Each following the principle as John lays them out from Scripture. But, at all times we should be preparing our heart and our responses such that when the offending party does recognize their sin and repents nothing in my heart stands in the way of that forgiveness.
Forgiveness will mean nothing to the offender until he recognizes he needs forgiveness. But the one offended should have the Spirit of Christ in him such that he is willing and ready to forgive when it happens. The one who is not and has not prepared to forgive is much like the forgiven but unforgiving servant in Matthew 18.
Toby,
It is true that forgiveness must always be unilateral, but restoration, on the other hand, must be conditional upon repentance. However, repentance must be pursued every time a sin has been committed. This is not to say that repentance must be pursued until it is achieved, because in some situations the person who has committed the sin is not repentant. Repentance should always be sought, but when it cannot be achieved, we must let go and let God.
William,
Your struggle with the leadership of your church wanting to partner with apostasy is a sine I have seen too many times. Praise God, He is faithful! I stated my concern to the leadership, pulled out of some of the areas of my service, and then remained on my knees (and at this website!) pleading with tears as I prayed for God’s truth and light to penetrate the hearts of the leadership. What joy to see God move His hand in defense of His gospel! Just makes sure the brotherhood know your love for them always! Lord, strengthen Your soldier!