Parenting in an Anti-Spanking Culture
April 2nd, 2007
(By John MacArthur)
With new legislation being proposed in California which would criminalize some forms of spanking, we will post several articles this week on the topic of parental discipline and corporal punishment.
The subject of spanking is baffling to many parents. Part of the problem is the confusion of the times in which we live. It has been popular for more than half a century to decry corporal punishment as inherently inappropriate, counterproductive, and detrimental to the child. Psychologist, mother, and well-known anti-spanking activist Penelope Leach distills the typical humanist perspective on corporal punishment: “I believe that spanking—or tapping, or slapping, or cuffing, or shaking, or beating, or whipping—children is actually wrong. I also believe . . . that far from producing better disciplined people, spanking makes it much more difficult to teach children how to behave” (Online Source). Notice how she equates spanking with slapping, cuffing, shaking, beating, whipping, and “tapping.” But those are not all the same thing, and they should not be likened to the rod of discipline administered in love.
Opponents of corporal punishment will often cite surveys and statistics that seem to support their findings, but precisely because they begin by equating brutal acts of violence against children with properly administered corporal discipline, their results are skewed. Of course cruel punishment and brute violence against children is wrong, counterproductive, and unbiblical.
But, Scripture does nonetheless prescribe the rod of discipline as a necessary aspect of parenting. In fact, Scripture flatly contradicts modern opponents of corporal punishment: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24). “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (22:15). “You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (23:14; see also 10:13; 19:18).
Moreover, according to a 1998 article in U.S. News and World Report, “parenting experts” have based all their findings against corporal punishment “on a body of research that is at best inconclusive and at worst badly flawed” (Online Source). According to the article, some recent studies indicate that spanking, when used appropriately, does indeed make children “less likely to fight with others and more likely to obey their parents.” In fact, in one very thorough study, Psychologist Robert E. Larzelere, director of residential research at Boys Town in Nebraska, found that no other discipline technique, including timeout and withdrawal of privileges, had more beneficial results for children under thirteen than non-abusive spanking, in terms of getting children to comply with their parents’ wishes.
Many who oppose corporal punishment simply are not willing to look at the facts and statistics rationally. One critic of spanking bluntly states that as far as he is concerned, “Hitting children is not a subject to which rational debate applies. It is another manifestation of American’s unique exploitation of children as models for absolutist behavior standards and austere punishments that grown adults would not impose on themselves” (Mike A. Males, The Scapegoat Generation, 116).
Christian parents should not be duped by such “experts.” Scripture itself prescribes corporal discipline and cautions parents not to abandon the use of the rod. In the end, the facts will be found to agree with the Word of God. And in that vein, the U.S. News article actually offers some tidbits of very sound advice: “One lesson of the spanking controversy is that whether parents spank or not matters less than how they spank. . . . A single disapproving word can bring a sensitive child to tears, while a more spirited youngster might need stronger measures. Finally, spankings should be done in private to spare children humiliation and without anger” (Online Source).
It might be worthwhile to reiterate the fact that parental discipline should never injure the child. It is never necessary to bruise your children in order to spank them hard enough to make your point. Spanking should always be administered with love and never when the parent is in a fit of rage. That sort of discipline is indeed abusive, wrong, and detrimental to the child, because it shatters the environment of loving nurture and instruction Ephesians 6:4 describes.
Furthermore, spanking is by no means the only kind of discipline parents should administer. There are many other viable forms of punishing children that, on occasion, can be used in addition to the rod. If the child responds immediately to a verbal rebuke in a given situation, a spanking is probably not necessary. Other punishments, such as withdrawing privileges, can also be used as occasional alternatives to spanking if the situation warrants it.
Much of our parental discipline should be totally positive. Parents can and should provide guidance for their children by rewarding them for positive behavior, as well as by punishing them for wrong behavior. Both sides of the equation are important. Positive motivation is entirely legitimate and can often be an effective means of getting children to obey. Notice, in fact, that the promise God Himself attached to the Fifth Commandment is a positive motivation. The commandment was reinforced with a promise, not a threat. It is often appropriate to say to your child, “If you do this, I will reward you in this way.”
Balanced discipline involves both negative and positive reinforcements. In fact, we might sum up all discipline by saying it means giving the appropriate reward for the conduct. When the conduct (including both attitudes and actions) is good, a positive reward is warranted. When the conduct is bad, a negative reward is in order. It’s really that simple.
Yet parents seem incurably confused about these issues. Even many Christian parents I know are practically paralyzed with fear about whether, when, how, and how much to discipline their children. But what Scripture says is straightforward: You have a depraved and foolish child, and if you want him not to be so foolish, spank him (Prov. 22:15). You have a solemn responsibility before God to provide an environment of nurture and instruction where your child will constantly be exposed to God’s truth (Deut. 6:6–7). In short, you need to be careful not to provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Today’s article was adapted from John’s book, Successful Christian Parenting, (Thomas Nelson, 1998).
[…] John MacArthur (http://www.sfpulpit.com) has a helpful article for on parenting in an anti-spanking culture. […]
What did USA Today say about spanking? You’ll be surprised. Find out here:
http://usatoday.com/money/companies/management/2006-10-08-spanking-ceos-usat_x.htm?POE=click-refer
I find it interesting that Penelope Leach states, “spanking makes it much more difficult to teach children how to behave”
This is such a misnomer with spanking, even though some parents do this. We are not just supposed to spank the child and then hug them. We are to show them their sin through biblical means, speak with them what our Father calls for and then after the child understands the sin, we are to administer the punishment. When a child understands the spanking and it is done in love, there is no better form of punishment for a child.
Again, as Dr. MacArthur points out, this should never be done in anger. And what I desribed above will actually cause the parent to “calm down” before giving the spanking as well.
Good article…timely
Well if parents don’t discipline their kids then who will? Probably the police, the prison, and some guy named Ray with a swastika tattooed on his forehead.
Is this just a California thing or is it going anywhere else?
Josh
“…the word of God is not bound.”
–2 Timothy 2:9
Seth McBee writes,
“and then after the child understands the sin, we are to administer the punishment.”
My experience as a parent has taught me that sometimes the spanking has to come first … to get the child into a listening and reasoning mood … and then the explanation can follow.
Josh,
I would add teachers to your list. We ask teachers to discipline students but don’t give them the power to do it. As a ninth grade teacher I deal with discipline on a daily basis. I have kids that are easy to discipline and those that are tough. The parents of those kids that are easy to discipline tell me that they administer corporal punishment in the home. Those that are toughest get “time-outs” as their main source of discipline or they get none at all.
We can’t say that every kid that gets corporal punishment behaves better than those who don’t but the percentages are in its favor.
Dr. Spock (not Star Trek but the real person) was in the forefront of the non-spanking method of discipline. His grandson (not his son as the rumor has it) committed suicide by jumping off of the roof of the museum that his dad was the director of. The reason was never given but an interesting choice of places to committ suicide.
With that said, scripture is clear about appropriate forms of discipline. I was spanked often as a kid and I don’t have the urge to hit anyone or think that those that are bigger or in authority have the right to hit an inferior as the opponents of corporal punishment would claim.
Does anybody have any thoughts on those who claim that all the references in the OT to “rod” refers to shepherding and is thus not entailing harm of any kind? I’ve heard people try to disprove spanking as a biblical option/mandate as discipline on this ground. Any thoughts?
Pulpit Magazine Editors:
Thank you for this very timely discussion. I now live in New Zealand where they are currently debating banning “Smacking” (”Spanking” in the States) entirely accross the country.
As a result most of us in our churches are looking to teach and help our people understand their responsibility before God.
Just yesterday I began to blog on this same topic.
In Christ’s service,
Joe Fleener
B,
Thanks for your comment. We will be addressing some of those counter-arguments in some of our future posts this week.
NB
Phil…I mean this in entire seriousness…I usually spank last because it curbs my anger towards my children…I also do some comforting and instruction afterwards, but most comes beforehand,
[…] Apr 2nd, 2007 by dgage Pulpit Magazine has an interesting article about parenting and spanking here. I find it strangethat many Christians have joined the anti-spanking campaign for various reasons. Many of these advocates equate punishments, and even rewards, with Skinner-type behaviorism. Since it’s right, and it always sounds great, to focus on the heart, we can start to believe that any coercive measures have no effect on the heart and can only lead to legalism and works righteousness. […]
I just had this propaganda of “no spanking” given to me in my medical school classes!
I’ll believe the Word before some prof. using flawed statistics any day.
Seth,
You and John make a valid point about not spanking in anger. Also to give instruction and reasons for discipline is vital. I have noticed that most parents don’t give valid reasons, if any, for their discipline of their children. I always ask my students and my son if they understand why they are being disciplined and without fail they say they understand. I also ask if they have questions about the discipline they received and let them respond.
There is no cure-all when it comes to disciplining children (as we all know). It takes time to discover what works and then apply it. It is just that most parents don’t want to take the time or they want that cure-all.
This is just a legal way for people to promote open rebellion against God and to allow children to play out their fallen nature without consequences. In the medical field, we would explain to this woman that she is applying inappropriate interventions to different age groups. You cannot treat adults as children and children as adults. When adults break the law they pay a fine with their hard earned cash or are required to give up their liberty for a certain period of time. These types of punishments would be inappropriate for children. “Time out” is a shortened version of prison time that an adult would experience. However, “time outs” are never carried out to the degree which would affect the child’s reasoning over their misbehavior. I see parents correcting the child’s disobedience in observing the “time out” more than the parent correcting the initial misbehavior. The parent is trying to correct the second misbehavior even before the first behavior was dealt with in an adequate way. I was spanked many times a week and have never suffered mentally from my mother’s loving discipline. However, my sister never once spanked her now 15yr old child and gave her everything her heart could ever desire (own cell phone at age 10 mustang convertible at 14yr in anticipation for 15th birthday when she would start driver’s ed and everything in between!…yes, she’s been to NY in modeling blah blah blah…very sickening to my heart) is now reaping the consequences of having absolutely no control over her own child. This same child has mental problems now that has caused hospitalizations because she doesn’t know how to control her own emotions because no one has taught her self control through discipline.
I personally think that one should gain as much information and knowledge as possible on this topic. Here is another page that may be of interest to some, it’s all about this subject of Christian parenting magazine, check it here http://www.parenting-education-rights.com/Christian-Parenting-Magazine.php
Yes the Bible states that children should be hit - And this will work, if all you care about is obedience from your children, but even then you are provoking them to rebel against the treatment. Punishment only brings obedience out of fear.
We need to help children feel good about doing better; you can’t do that by making them feel worse. We should not expect more cooperation from the child then what we are willing to offer. Because if an adult isn’t feeling good, they tend to get away with an attitude problem, but children are completely exempt from this concession, and it is not fair.
People would rather spank their child then help them with the real issue that is causing the misbehavior. A child misbehaves because of insufficient understanding/guidance, not insufficient fear/discomfort of punishment/spanking. I see that we need to assist with the real issue. We need to guide our children more and we need to help then develop understanding appropriate for their age – this can come only from modeling discipline, not punishment.
In the same biblical passages about beating children, it says that we should kill our children if they are disobedient.
The bible was written during a time when they didn’t know about child development. The experts that you dismiss, have superior knowledge on child development than Solomon, I assure you.
Solomon, with his crazy lifestyle, is hardly a source for parenting advice
Kids need to have the same protection against violence as adults. Although it is seldomly admitted, spanking has the same effects on children as hitting does to spouses in domestic violence. We don’t live in the same world that biblical people did. God will hold us more accountable because we know more than the ancient people.
It is time for the violence to stop. If not at home, then where?
I agree people should discipline their kids. I grew up in a family that was loving, yet strict when they needed to be. When I did something wrong, my family let me know it (and I got my butt whipped or I got grounded as well). I smack, whip, or ground my kids when they step out of line at time, or otherwise I just talk to them. There’s no substitute for discipline….